Butt Dial
by Double Winks and a Pistol
Summary: Butt Dialing sucks; especially when it happens during the worst scenario ever. I feel bad for Kamio, really. Revolves around Kamio; hints of Momoryo.


Kamio was tired, he was extremely tired; and all he wanted to do at the moment was just go home, maybe get a biscuit with butter to end that slight hunger cramping, and then go to bed.

And that's exactly what he did, well almost anyway, he had managed to get home without fainting on the way there from the heat, dehydration, and hunger, got his bread and butter, because it was seriously good, and got into his room, unfortunately just as he got comfortable, right when he had finally got warm (because his room was ironically freezing) and his back gave a sigh of relief once it hit the soft mattress, someone decided to call.

Poor Kamio mentally screamed as he turned and reached over to his table to grab the vibrating phone; he hadn't turned on the ringer yet considering that he just got back from school, and quickly flipped it open.

"Eh… Hello?" He asked, his eyelids half closed. There was a silence on the other line, Kamio was just about to hang up and forget about it before a sound caught his attention.

"Mmph…" Kamio's eyes shot open, what was that? He frowned; what if it was some kind of random axe-murderer that was stalking him? He opened his mouth about to tell the Axe-murderer off; which would be a lot easier over the phone than if he was right in front of him, Kamio decided before he heard another noise. "Stupid belt, why did I have to wear this one?" "Never mind, just get it off and hurry up!" There were two different voices Kamio realized, he wasn't sure if he liked that or not.

'Wait a second… what about a belt?' Kamio had just took in what the two voices were saying.

"I can't take this, hurry up, take yours off first! che…" There was the sound of moving fabric on the other line.

'Just what is this?' Kamio asked himself, completely captivated by all the noises and voices.

'Hurry up, idiot." "I'm hurrying!" Kamio frowned, what happened to the conversation about the belt, what was going on? Kamio wanted to hang up, he really did, but he couldn't, he wasn't exactly sure why though.

"U-Uh.. You're too impatient," "quit it!" "You're skin tastes so good." "Shut up, it's skin not food, idiot."

'Carnivore!' Kamio was definitely going to hang up now. Oh Wait a second, there's more happening!

"Be awed by my size!" "Stupid."

'Size? Like muscles or something? Wait, I'm seriously confused now' Kamio was sitting up in his bed now, staring intently at his phone now, he actually didn't even realize he had put it on speakerphone until now. Why he had done that, he would never know.

'You idiot, what do you think you're doing? Get the lubricant first! If you think-," "Okay, Okay sorry…"

'Lubricant? Like tires? Wait… belts, skin, lubricant… nothing is adding up!'

"Ah, it's kind of cold." A chuckle, "No, you're just hot." Kamio cocked his head to the side.

'The weather was pretty average if you ask me…' The weather was average, Kamio was just hot from tennis practice.

"Hmph, we're doing way too much talking, come here." There was more fabric moving sounds, and then there was these weird wet smacking like sounds, it kind of sounded like kisses in a way, but Kamio begged to differ. I mean really.

"Aw, you're pretty clingy today now that I think about it. "Shut up!"

'Tachibana-san sometimes accuses me of being clingy, Ishida too, but really, I know I'm not, I have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Shinji doesn't think I'm clingy…. Either that or he's just too nice to admit that I actually am…wait did I just admit that to myself?'

"Okay, ya ready?" "As ready as I'll ever be, stupid." A chuckle, there was a slight gasp on the other line that had caught Kamio's attention that was actually already there.

'Oh no, I hope that person isn't hurting the other for being clingy! Tachibana-san hurt me one time for being too clingy, I don't actually think he meant to but still… it kind of hurt… physically and mentally.' Kamio let out a silent sniff.

"Mmm Ah! God!" Kamio felt like he was listing to some kind of dirty tape that he had found in Sakurai's locker. The pervert. That reminded him, who were these people anyway?

"Hmph!" "Heh, you're so…cu~uu~- ah!" Kamio cocked his head to the other side, what was going on now?

'What happened to the tires and lubricant, and what did he mean by, you're so cuuu, I wonder if he's running or something, wait a second, why am I on the phone with these people again?'

"Ah You're home Akira, would you mind watching dinner while I go to the store?" Kamio's face paled in shock, and he could have sworn the other line had frozen solid. Kamio's mother gave him a strange look. "Are you okay?" Kamio gave a silent nod, completely frozen. "Well alright then, well I'm leaving now, see you." Kamio looked down at his phone, curious as to what would happen next.

"What was that? Was that a voice? I thought you said that everyone was gone." Kamio placed his phone onto the bed, afraid that if he touched it he would get hurt in some way. "I don't think that came from down- …. Uh…" Kamio leaned in a little to the phone as if he were watching some kind of dramatic soap opera that was just getting to the climax. "Uh… what?" There was a rustle and then the sound of a nervous like pant.

"H-Hello?"

"U-Uh…" That's all that could escape from Kamio's mouth. Goodbye world, the axe-murderers had discovered him! Kamio felt as if he were about to faint.

"Who is this?" That question sort of shocked him, not only did he believe that the 'axe-murderer' already knew who he was, but the voice sounded kind of familiar to him, he wasn't sure where he had heard it before though.

"I-uh… yes?" He heard a gulp come from the other line.

"How long has this call been going?" Out of all honesty, Kamio really had no clue, he was so hooked on the phone that he didn't know what time it was exactly. He looked over at his clock and his eyes widened, it's been almost a whole thirty minutes.

"A-About thirty minutes… maybe?" He heard a gasp that had obviously tried to be covered.

"Um… goodbye…" Kamio gave a dizzy like nod in response.

"Bye Bye." The line went dead. Kamio sat there for a few minutes, wondering just exactly what the heck happened. It was then when he looked down onto his phone which made all of his confusion up until now seem like little tiny 'Mommy my bears button eye has fell off, can you sew it back together for me?' problem.

Caller ID: Momoshiro Takeshi

So from what Kamio had put together from this random phone call, Momoshiro was a belt collecting, skin eating, tire lubricant wanting person who didn't like clingers and got cold easily even on one of the warmest days. He had always known he was a weirdo.

Unfortunately, we all know what was actually going on there with Momoshiro and his innocent (or not so innocent we have now found out) little Kohai. And now we know that you should be careful at all times and maybe not put your phone into your back pocket where you can possibly butt dial someone without meaning to. Well, luckily for Momoshiro it was someone as dense as Kamio who he did it to and not someone like Fuji Syuusuke.


End file.
